The Sigh Of A Faraway Song - (PG) THE END Options

[mezzogal]

hi! i'm kind of testing the waters here with this one. it might continue, it might be a post-and-run. i don't know. i couldn't resist.

hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: i don't know clay, nor presume anything about him. all contents of this story are ENTIRELY fictional.

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THE SIGH OF A FARAWAY SONG

Chapter 1: Measure of a Man

It's weird how life loves playing these weird tricks on you. For instance, Aubrey McFate, as a writer once put it, enjoys playing tricks on us ordinary mortals and watching us squirm. No one but this sly tricksy fellow could be capable of such pranks. Well, this is a story of how fate decided to throw a wrench into the works and see how things manage to spectacularly screw itself up. It's a love story. One of your typical tragedies that end with no one happy except our dear friend Aubrey McFate here.

I met Rosie about a year after Idol. Thinking back to that day, I can almost relive the moment...

~~

"Clay, stop being so nervous. It's not as if she's going to bite." Nick tried to reassure his friend. "Remember that you're the boss here."

"Yeah, yeah." Clay waved him off, still fidgeting nervously. Clay was to meet a certain female someone who was behind the lyrics of one of his songs, in fact, the title song of his album Measure of a Man. He didn't know anything about the lady who wrote the song. The company had instructed him to sing this song and refused to tell him more, just mentioning that the original songwriter wished to remain anonymous. Clay was pleasantly surprised when his manager Roger told him one day that he was going to be meeting the songwriter at last. She had been out of the country for a while and was finally back in New York. Somewhere up in the labyrinth of the hierarchy, someone had noticed Clay's simple request to meet with the writer.

Now, he usually wasn't nervous about meeting people in general. And he was definitely never nervous when it came to a business meeting, formal or otherwise. But this time, the songwriter of Measure of a Man intrigued him greatly. Clay had loved the lyrics and found them to be both meaningful and touching. At the same time, the original interpretation that was given by the songwriter was an interpretation which seemed to reflect much pain and suffering and the wish for someone, as the song suggested, 'would he stand before you when it's down to the wire?' It struck Clay as a call for help, a plea from a someone who was tired of fighting the world on her own. Somehow, it appealed to the gentleman within Clay. It also struck him as something very different. Typical songwriters usually do not write such stirring lyrics. They write lyrics full of sex, drugs, partying and angst.

"It's almost time." Jerome commented, glancing at his watch. The three of them were sitting in a private room in a restaurant waiting. Roger had gone outside to wait for the songwriter to arrive. They had picked this restaurant as the meeting place because of its privacy and quiet ambience. Of course, it had good food as well. As Clay hoped to spend some time with the songwriter, this was an ideal location. At the moment however, Clay was getting more and more nervous, as if it was a blind date he was on instead of a business meeting. "Clay, relax man. It'll be fine."

"That's so easy to say." Clay responded. "Knowing my penchant for screwing things up, I feel it in my bones that I'm gonna do something wrong." The other two men just shook their heads and gave up trying to put him at ease.

A few minutes passed and there was a gentle knock on the door. It opened to reveal Roger, who ushered in the lady they had all been waiting for. Clay instantly stood up. She was Chinese, of average height and very thin. She had short black hair but beautiful almond shaped black eyes. She also gave off an air of frailty, as if she might just break like a piece of glass at any moment.

"Right," Roger began. "Guys, I'd like you all to meet Rosella Chiang. Rosella, the guys," he gestured to each of them in turn. "Clay Aiken, his PA, Nick, and bodyguard, Jerome." Rosella had remained standing by Roger, her head shyly tilted downwards though her eyes followed Roger's gesturing. She had nodded to each of them in turn, giving them a small quick smile. "Alright then. Clay?"

Clay had been waiting for his 'cue' that it was alright to approach her. Having gotten past the formalities, he grabbed the small bouquet of flowers previously hidden on a chair and walked towards her. Or rather, he stumbled self-consciously as he manoeuvred his way from behind the table to where she was by the door.

"It's nice to meet you Rosella." Clay told her, holding out the bouquet to her.

"Thank you Mr Aiken." She replied. Her voice was soft, as if she didn't want or couldn't speak louder. Roger left her to Clay's care as he moved towards his own seat at the table. Clay pulled out a chair for Rosella and made sure she was comfortably seated before taking his own seat next to her. The next few moments were quiet and awkward, neither one of them knew how to approach or begin a conversation. Rosella seemed to not want to speak too much, answering questions politely but not saying more than necessary. It was a little better when the food arrived, at least they were able to have an excuse not to talk.

They endured almost an hour of awkward conversation. Clay sensed that Rosella was supremely uncomfortable in the situation although he didn't know why. It made him a little upset, he had anticipated this meeting for so long. However, not knowing how to put her at ease left him helpless to save the situation. He almost saw gladness in her eyes when Roger suggested that maybe they should make a move and stop taking up her time.

This was where she spoke unbidden for the first time, shyly and slowly at first start. "Er...could I ask a favour Clay?" Clay looked eagerly at her. Her voice fell even softer. "Could you sing for me?"

Clay nodded and gently sang to her,

"...If one day you discover him
broken down he's lost everything
no cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he's not
the woman at his side is all that he has got

Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man

If by chance all he had to give you
was three words wrapped around your finger
Would that be deep enough at the end of everyday
and how will you ever know if a man is what he says

Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth
Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
When it's down to the wire
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man

He'd never give up
Let go of his dreams
his world goes around
for his one true belief
Is that how you know
Is that what it means

Would he walk on water
Would he run through fire
Would he stand before you
Will he be your anchor when a dark unfolds
Will he always love you the best that he knows
Would he give his life up
To be all he can
Is that, is that, is that
How you measure a man..."

It took all of Clay's strength to restrain himself from pulling her into a hug as he saw tears welling up in Rosella's eyes as he sang. As he concluded the song, Rosella muttered an almost inaudible "thank you" covering her mouth with her hand, blinking furiously.

This post has been edited by mezzogal: Feb 10 2008, 03:48 AM

[Canadian bAiken]

This is sweet, Mezz. She's so quiet and dainty, yet I'm sure there's more beneath the surface, probably a lot of pain. Nice start.
:flowers

[mezzogal]

i forgot to mention, in case no one noticed yet...the story is mainly told from the point of view of clay. er...ya.

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Chapter 2: Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

That evening after the lunch, Clay sat alone in his hotel room pondering over the events of the day. He knew the meeting didn't go well at all. He was disappointed and wondered about Rosella. He thought she had issues, some secret that she harboured within her. Try as he might, he couldn't help but wonder. In his hand was a piece of paper which he got from Roger. It contained Rosella's contact information. Clay struggled with himself, whether he should call her, or to just let it go and forget the issue altogether. The latter was definitely tempting and easier but he felt that he could not leave New York untroubled in spirit if he did not try to change things.

He decided to call her. Picking up his cellphone, he slowly dialled her number. He listened to the ringing for a while. It rang for so long that he almost gave up. Just before he hung up, the ringing stopped.

"Hello?" Rosella's voice sounded as it had that afternoon.

"Hello, Rosella? It's Clay."

"Clay? Hi!" she sounded almost happy, he could sense her smile through the phone. Instantly he was at ease. She didn't reject nor resent his call.

"Um..." Clay tried to gather his thoughts, losing his composure at her attitude over the phone, so different from when he met her in person just a few hours ago. "List'n Rosella, er...just now was a bit of a fiasco do you think? Um...do you think you'd like to meet me, maybe tomorrow, for dinner or something? I mean, I don't mean to be too forward or anything. I mean..."

"Sure, that would be fine." Rosella interrupted him, speaking slowly and hesitantly. She sounded a little embarrassed.

"You would?" Clay was so surprised. "I mean, yes, you would! That's great! Really. Um...so, I'll come pick you up at your place, is that ok? I know there's this Italian place near Central Park that's quite nice. Is Italian ok with you?"

"Yes."

Clay went over some additional details with her before he hung up the phone. He held his cellphone in both hands, resting his elbows on his thighs as he smiled to himself. He was so glad that he'd called her. She sounded quite nice actually, over the phone. He couldn't wait for tomorrow to come round.

[center:b384bd03a8]~~[/center:b384bd03a8]

The next evening saw him making his way towards Rosella's apartment at Hamilton Heights. Clay had decided to go alone, without Jerome or Nick. He had the impression that they intimidated Rosella. He also decided against any elaborate gestures such as flowers, choosing instead for a simple basic approach.

The building she lived in was dark, mainly wooden and had a very closed in feeling. It was 5 storeys high without an elevator. She lived on the top floor. Clay eyed the stairs apprehensively. It had been a while since he had last did any real exercise. No wonder Rosella was so thin, if she had to do this kind of exercise everyday. The air was stuffy, there were no open windows, nor any windows in sight to open to let in the air. It appeared that the only source of fresh air in the stairwell was through the front door of the building.

Clay climbed the stairs and was never more glad to reach his destination. The landing indicated that there were only two apartments on that floor. The one on the left had very loud rock music playing, so loud that it permeated the closed door and gave the impression of a live rock concert happening behind the door. The apartment on the right, in comparison, was more subdued and Zen-like. There was a pagoda shaped wind chime hanging over the doorway. Tied to it was a slip of paper with Japanese characters written on it. Taking a deep breath, Clay knocked on this door.

Almost instantly, he discerned the sounds of footsteps and the door opened. Rosella stood there with the biggest smile on her face.

"Oh, hey Clay! Come in, come in." she welcomed him warmly into her apartment. "You're a little early. Can you wait a while? I was doing something before you came, it kinda stretched overtime."

Clay indicated his cooperation in waiting for her to get ready and she disappeared into a room, not before pouring him a glass of water. Clay took the opportunity to observe her apartment. One thing he noticed was that it was very simply furnished. The flooring was wood coloured linoleum. The couch was a slightly faded red while the coffee table before it was made out of a storage box with a glass top. In a corner was a fish tank with three glowing creatures in it. Closer examination showed that it was a tank of jellyfish floating around.

Where he expected the TV to be, there hung a painting of a winter scene. Painted mainly in shades of white, it contrasted strongly against the brown wall it was hanging against, creating a hauntingly poignant feel. In the fore there was a white horse and a rider standing on a snow covered road that was leading into a snowy wood. The wood was dark and and seemed to contain hidden mysteries within its darkness. The rider seemed to be trying to make a decision as to which path to take. In the background, there was the glittering of a faraway village and a frozen lake. The rider appeared to be riding away from the village. On the whole, it was a painting of a person who has to leave the warmth and security of home and travel far away to fulfil obligations and responsibilities. There was an expression on the rider's face which showed the possibility that he would no longer be returning home, or maybe could not return. Clay could almost feel the cold biting wind that blew through the painting.

"You like that?" Clay was startled back to reality by Rosella's soft question. He wondered how long she had been watching him gape at her painting.

"Well, it is a very nice picture." Clay admitted. "But, what does it mean? Who painted it? It's so beautiful."

Rosella came and stood next to him, also looking at the painting. She was silent for a while as though in deep contemplation. Finally she answered, "I painted it."

"You?"

"Yes, me. I did it a few years back." Rosella sounded nostalgic and a bit sad. "Some art project in school. I liked what I did and decided to keep it."

"It's beautiful Rosella." Clay complimented. "What was the inspiration?"

"A poem, by Robert Frost.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

[center:b384bd03a8]~~[/center:b384bd03a8]

Rosie had not elaborated after her recitation. Now, years later, I found out that, it wasn't just the poem per se that had inspired her. She hadn't even actually come across the poem before she decided to use it. When she first heard it, it was the lyrics of a song her choir sang. It was songs and music which strongly struck her and created the greatest impressions for her.

That day, she just stood next to me and looked at her painting. Till today, I can remember the feel of her presence. It was so special and unique. Back then, it was as if I had been given a privileged insight into her character. But thinking about it now, I'm glad such a moment existed for both of us. It's a moment that's truly soul affecting, a moment when life changes forever.

[footloose]

Finally...an Asian character in a Clay fic! yey :eee

that aside, i really really enjoy this story mezzo. it's interesting how you move back and forth between past and present and first and third person accounts. you describe details of places nicely too. nice job :popcorn

[Canadian bAiken]

I have to say that I like how this story begins. It's not like most stories in that there's no instant attraction, no animal magnetism going on in the background, not love at first sight. Just Clay being concerned about someone else's comfort and wanting to set things right. Very nice.

In a corner was a fish tank with three glowing creatures in it. Closer examination showed that it was a tank of jellyfish floating around

I find this very cool.

The way you describe the painting makes it feel so three dimensional, I can almost picture it in my mind.

Nice chapter, Mezz. With Clay's voice acting almost as a voice over, commenting on the past, I'm more anxious to find out where this meeting leads.
:flowers

[mezzogal]

Chapter 3: Before I Fall In Love

The night had gone pretty well. They made it to the restaurant unharrassed and were comfortably seated at a back table. After having placed their orders, there was a silence as neither of them was certain as to how to initiate a conversation in the somewhat closed space.

"So Rosella, what do you do?" Clay asked casually. He was curious. He already knew she was a songwriter, now he'd just discovered her talent in art as well.

Rosella grinned at her plate, seeming very amused at the question. Clay threw a confused expression back at her. Realising that Clay meant the question, she answered, "You have no idea how old I am, do you?"

Clay thought for a bit before guessing, "23, 24 at most?"

Rosella laughed. "Clay, I'm 17, going on 18."

Clay's mouth could not have fallen any further to the ground. He just gaped at her in shock. She continued to explain, "I'm a student, going to enter college soon."

"But...but you're a whole 8 years younger than I am." Clay managed to respond, too shocked to joke about it. "You're even younger than my little brother."

"Does it matter? Rosella questioned. "After all, we're doing anything illegal. I mean, I can be friends with an older guy right?"

Clay viewed her in a new light from then on, a newly found respect. She was so young and shouldering adult responsibilities and adult challenges. When he was her age, he was still goofing around the neighbourhood trying to decide what to do with the rest of his life.

After dinner, the original plan had been to just hang around Central Park and talk. However, Rosella suggest going to a certain club that she usually goes to. She hinted that she was supposed to be headed there anyway. Clay wasn't too keen on going to a club, which sounded suspiciously to him like another name for a bar. Rosella assured him that it wasn't like what he was thinking of. She seemed eager to go so Clay just shut up and followed.

It turned out to be a little youth club on the west of Central Park. Clay could tell why she frequented the club. It was small but cozy, a friendly and homey environment. It was practically a night version of a high school cafeteria. Clay started to get a little nervous as Rosella approached a bunch of people sitting near a small stage. One of them rose to greet her.

"Hey Rosie! You're late! We thought you weren't coming." Her friend took hold of her upper arm in an affectionate gesture.

"Yeah well, I'm here now." Rosella responded. She turned to Clay, "And introductions are called for. Clay, this is Adam. He's a friend of mine. Adam, this is..." she trailed away, realising that Clay might not be comfortable with revealing his identity. So far, practically no one had recognised him all night.

"I'm Clay." Clay helpfully supplied. "It's nice to meet you Adam."

"No way, you're Clay Aiken right? The American Idol guy? Geez, Rose, how did you get lucky to have him on a date?" Adam gushed. Later on, Clay found out that Adam wasn't just a friend to Rosella. He was her ex-boyfriend, they had parted amicably when he discovered that he didn't really love her the way a boyfriend should. But there were still very good friends nonetheless.

"I just got lucky." Rosella laughed in reply. "And it's not a date. It's just an outing."

"Same thing."

"Shut up Adam."

Clay felt strangely at ease in the club. It was strange because he usually avoided bars and night spots like they were something dangerous. He also preferred to steer clear away from people who might just start gushing about how big a fan they were. But yet, this place made him feel so welcome that it really didn't matter to him. He knew that here he wouldn't be mobbed by screaming fans, nor forced to drink alcohol or just do anything he didn't want to do.

Because of this feeling, he reassured Rosella that it was ok to introduce him to her friends. He wasn't going to freak out nor act the superstar. He could be himself. Meeting her friends further reassured him that his decision was justified. Beyond the initial surprise, they didn't treat him as a celebrity. They rather treated him as the boyfriend that Rosella had been hiding from them all, taking delight in teasing her about it. He was treated like one of their own. It felt good to be treated normally for once.

The casual conversation went on around him and Clay was thoroughly enjoying himself. More than once, he made mental note to very sincerely thank Rosella for bringing him here. It was open mic night and Clay found out one of the reasons why Rosella brought him here. She was supposed to sing that night and while she didn't want to let Clay down by running off immediately after dinner, she also didn't want to disappoint her friends. Apparently she taking the open mic was a standing arrangement, as was the regular meetings at the club.

She sat on a bar stool on the stage and sang a song from the soundtrack of the Runaway Bride:

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been fooled before
Am I'm just seeing what I want to see?
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please, give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now before I fall in love...

[center:300636a3f3]~~[/center:300636a3f3]

That night, there was something in her eyes when she sang that song. There was a part when she looked directly at me as she sang. I felt something strongly but I couldn't put my finger on what it was back then. She sang like an angel. I always teased her, saying that someone should give her a record deal. But she never took me up on that offer. She had other things in life that were more important to her than making a hit record or becoming rich and famous. If someone forced me to really think about it, I think I would consider that night, this specific moment, that truly I fell in love.

[footloose]

i like that song!!! to picture Clay watching her singing it and falling in love with her.... :faint

:cry this is gonna be a good romance. bring it on mezz!!!

[Canadian bAiken]

Awwww. This is so sweet. Him falling for her when she's singing, and it makes me wonder if there's really anywhere in public the real Clay can just go and be himself, and not the star.

Looking forward to this romance, Mezz. Years apart, worlds apart. An interesting pairing. Bring it on.

[mezzogal]

k, this one is a bit...lame, but hope you like it anyway.

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Chapter4: To Hear Your Voice Again

The next few months were a whirlwind for me. I tried hard to keep in contact with Rosie, emails, phone. It was difficult to maintain a constant flow of communication. She was busy with college, I was busy with my tour. But the times when we could talk were good times. She'd tell me all about college, often whining and complaining about all her assignments and studies. I too would unload myself onto her, ranting and whining about my workload too. She never once complained that I took up considerably much more airtime than she did.

[center:1f9d0fbe49]~~[/center:1f9d0fbe49]

The phone conversations they had would usually be like this. Clay would call her. Rosella never called him first. Her standing excuse was that she would never know when it was a good time to call, he was always so busy, whereas she was less busy and more likely to be available whenever he was free. Clay was a little annoyed at this, but he couldn't ignore the logic behind it. It wasn't as if she didn't want to talk to him. It was just difficult to arrange a time.

"Hey Rose! It's me. How are you?" Clay would begin. Rosella's tone of voice varied depending on whether she was in the middle of something or not. Let's just assume she wasn't doing anything in particular.

"Hey Clay! I'm ok, been busy with school and all. How bout you?" Standard replies all round. At this point, Clay would proceed to unload all his joys and grievances to her. He would talk about his tour, the stops he made, the venues, the crowd. Always the screaming fans did things to him that he just had to speak out or else he thought he'd go mad. And she'd always try to comfort him.

"Aw, come on, it's fine. You know they love you that's why. Yes, sometimes they practically go overboard but that's life. Just bear with it and it'll get better."

Rosella wasn't too good at comforting people. She had too much to deal with in her own life to spare much comfort for others. But she always tried. Clay discovered that it wasn't what she said that comforted him, it was just the sound of her voice speaking to him that soothed him, someone who cared and didn't judge.

She'd talk about her own life too, but it sounded too much like student gossip to Clay. "My lecturer is such as ass. You know, he started arguing with the assistant lecturer right in the middle of the class. I mean, what kind of lecturer does that in front of the students?"

"Yeah, that's totally crazy." Clay would respond. And so on. Clay didn't really listen too closely when she talked about stuff like that. It was usually too alien to him. One conversation he remembered, though in a bad way.

After the usual formalities and after he had finished talking, Rosella said there was something she wanted to talk to him about.

"A friend of mine from high school, his name is Ritchie. Well...he's my age and we used to go out sometimes..."

"He was your boyfriend?" Clay asked. He felt strangely interested in her romantic life for some reason he never figured out.

"In a way." Rosella conceded. "But we didn't last that long. He decided that he was gay, and I thought I was a lesbian, so..."

"You were lesbian?!" Clay practically yelled into the phone in shock.

"Keyword: thought. I'm not now. Stop over-reacting Clay." she informed him. Clay began to say something but she cut him off. "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, well, I haven't seen him for a few years now. yesterday I ran into this lady at the park. Guess what."

"What?"

"This lady was...well...she was Ritchie. Apparently about a year after we broke up, he-slash-she decided that he's a woman trapped in a man's body."

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, and Ritchie went for a sex change operation. So now, he's a she and I met her in Central Park yesterday! Can you believe that?!" Rosella sounded like she was about to freak out. Clay was stunned. He'd never even heard of anyone who knew a real transvestite and here was Rosella telling him about how her ex-boyfriend was one. "Clay, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm just shocked."

"I mean, it's not my place to tell him-slash-her what to do. Geez, I don't even know what word to use to refer to...it. I mean, i guess it's just his choice, to become a woman. It's just shocking."

When it got to the subject of transvestites Clay felt a little too embarrassed to continue. He very quickly mumbled some excuses to hang up. He sensed that Rosella was a bit disappointed that he had to go so soon. He felt that she wanted, needed to talk about it. But for some strange reason, he couldn't. It wasn't the first time he deliberately hung up on her when she needed to talk.

Clay thought back to one fateful telephone call, when it first gave the indication that something was wrong. But it wasn't Rosella who told him. It was an unsuspecting Adam who first hinted about it.

As usual he had called her, "Hey Rosie! How's things?"

Except that it wasn't Rosella on the other end. It was Adam. Clay recognised his voice. "I'm sorry, Rosella isn't available right now."

"Adam? Is that you? It's Clay."

"Oh hey! Rosie's boyfriend right?" Adam sounded excited. "Wow this is cool. Rose isn't doing too well today, the docs are making her stay in tonight. But she'll be really happy you called."

"What d'you mean? What happened to her?" Clay anxiously asked.

"Oh you know, asthma and all, the usual stuff. She never listens to what the doctors say. She's on oxygen this time. But, don't worry about it. She'll be fine." Adam sounded cheery, oblivious to the fact that Clay didn't know what was happening. Clay began to worry.

"Could I talk to her please?" Clay requested. He heard a door opening and Adam repeating his question, presumably to Rosella. As Adam paused to hear her reply, Clay could hear a song playing very softly in the background. Marc Anthony's You Sang to Me. Then Adam spoke again, "Erm...sorry Clay, she isn't really up to talking right now. But I'll tell her you said hey alright."

[center:1f9d0fbe49]~~[/center:1f9d0fbe49]

I see now that I took her for granted. She would always be there for me, but I wasn't always there for her. She never complained about it. I never knew how much she meant to me till I lost her. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call her again. This time, she would talk all she wanted and I would listen.

[footloose]

wow...i really didn't expect this chapter. especially the lesbian confession. also, i wonder why your characters are always so cold...like they never showed their true feelings for the guy they love (if they love him that is). is it just ur style of writing? :grin

anyway, i can't wait to see what's next :popcorn

[mezzogal]

i wonder why your characters are always so cold...

is it? uh-oh i didn't exactly plan for that here. i better go back and revisit my characterisation. but then, i'm only just starting out with this story lah. slowly, slowly.

anyone else wanna comment on this?




it's 10pm, i'm sitting at a bus stop in school waiting for the damn bus to arrive and hanging out here. what a WONDERFUL life i have. just needed to complain.

[footloose]

it's 10pm, i'm sitting at a bus stop in school waiting for the damn bus to arrive and hanging out here. what a WONDERFUL life i have. just needed to complain.

is that a snark? :grin

hey, when u can visit the board while waiting for the school bus, it's not so bad.

[Invisible Ink]

So tender.... :sigh so sad ... :sob


Please write more! :write

[Canadian bAiken]

I can't believe I'm only just getting a chance to get here now. Time to relax and enjoy. *gets a snack*

You know, this chapter feels realistic to me. We don't always listen, we're not always there, and we can't always help those we care about. Sometimes our selfishness kicks in, or sometimes we're uncomfortable. We all can be this way, it's the way we are. Nobody's perfect. Nice to see characters that aren't perfect too.

Interesting chapter, Mezz, and it's not lame.

[mezzogal]

Chapter5: The Story of How You've Come to Be

Of the few birthdays I celebrated with Rose, the first one was the one I remember most. It was the night that proved that the best laid plans can often go astray. Aubrey McFate at work yet again. But to think back on that night and relive it in my mind is one of the sweetest things ever. I wish I could capture the images I have in my mind and set it down somewhere on film to preserve it forever.

[center:f7a56fc58b]~~[/center:f7a56fc58b]

Clay knew that Rosella had no family. She had once firmly shut up his complaints about his relatives when she told him her story. Her parents officially divorced nearly four years ago after being separated for her lifetime. The divorce only took place after so long because of her grandmother's threat that the family remain whole or else risk being cut out of her will. The only times she saw her father when she was growing up was when her grandmother insisted on a family gathering. Now Rosella's father lived in Canada with a second wife and child. The last time she saw him was at the divorce proceedings.

Rosella grew up with her mother who resented her because of her father. Despite this, she was close to her mother and was heartbroken when her mother had died, a few months before she met Clay. She refused to tell Clay how her mother had died, and Clay didn't pursue it. Other relatives had disowned her because of something she had done in the past. Rosella refused to talk about it. The only people whom Rosella considered to have some sort of kinship ties with her was an aunt living in Japan, and her godfather.

Clay also knew that Rosella's 18th birthday was approaching. Knowing that she didn't have family with her on this special day, he decided that he was going to make the day special for her. He was supposed to be in Los Angeles on that night, but he was sure he could make some arrangements.

Landing in New York in the afternoon and checking into a hotel, he called her to make sure she would be home. There was no point in him going all the way to her apartment only to find that she had gone out.

"Hey Rose! Happy birthday!!" he chirped over the phone.

"Oh hey Clay, thanks." Rosella sounded a little tired and down. "I didn't know you knew it was my birthday."

"I make it my business to know about my friends' special days." Clay was bursting with excitement. He had to control herself and not blow his plan. "So, what're you up to tonight?"

"I don't really know," she answered slowly. "I guess I'll be home partying with the Twiddles." She called her jellyfish Twiddle-Dee, Twiddle-Dum and Twiddle-Doo, and she dared whomever to laugh at the names. She was really a little chilli pepper under her demure exterior.

"Alright. Well, I gotta go. I'll talk with you later alright? Happy birthday again." Clay hung up and punched the air in glee. Well, the plan worked so far. He left his hotel room to go and make other arrangements.

That evening, Clay arrived at her apartment and climbed up the 5 bloody flights of stairs. One day, he thought, he'd sponsor the landlord of this building to install an elevator. Reaching her landing at last, he stopped to catch his breath before realising something. It was unusually quiet and still. Rosella's rock-loving neighbour was either asleep or out. But it was the stillness that struck him. He could feel it. Rosella was also out.

Thinking to just try his luck anyway, he knocked at her door and waited. Ten minutes and intermittent knockings later, Clay decided to just give up. She wasn't home. He was a little disappointed, but he should have expected it. After all, he never told her he was coming. Anyone could have invited her out between the time of his phone call and now. The only thing he could register was that she wasn't there.

Feeling that his plans were all wasted, Clay left the building. He left the cake somewhere on the street, not really thinking about it. Not wanting to go back to the hotel so soon, he meandered aimlessly around the neighbourhood. He knew what Rosella would say if she saw him here. She'd tell him it wasn't safe, especially not for him. It was a rough neighbourhood for people who didn't belong there. It was much less safe for a rich celebrity to be there alone. Anyone desperate enough would would have no qualms about jumping, robbing him and cutting his throat.

As he walked, Clay found himself standing outside an old stone building. The signboard outside proclaimed it to be the Catholic Church of Our Lady of Lourdes. Not really thinking, Clay entered the church grounds. It was quiet and peaceful inside. He had hardly been in a catholic church before. He always imagined it to be imposing and huge, like the Gothic cathedrals he saw in pictures. But this was different. It was smaller and more like a community centre than anything.

Rounding a corner, he came across an annexe at the side of the building. According to the sign on the door, it housed a single Adoration Room. An impulse told him to go in. The room was cool and dimly lit. In the front there was a mini altar with an elaborate centrepiece. Clay didn't know exactly what it was but he knew that it meant something to the Catholics. Furniture was limited to a bench lined against the far wall and some low cabinets. Square cushions were arranged on the cabinets for whomever might need them. There was a mini grand piano in the room and someone was softly playing it. In the semi-darkness, Clay couldn't see who it was.

Feeling so frustrated and inadequate, the media was taking pot shots at him every other day and his work executives being so demanding, wanting more and more than he could deliver. Tonight's failure was just the last straw. Clay just sank onto the cool marble floor, hid his face in his hands and sobbed. He heard the piano music slowly come to a stop and then silence. He heard slow and quiet footsteps coming towards him. He was at the point now where he felt so down, he didn't even care what the pianist would think about him. In a way, it felt good to just break down and have a good cry.

"Clay?" He felt a light touch on his arm, could feel the person's gaze on him. He looked up. It was Rosella. He tried to smile, but could only force out a very fake and weak smile. Clay could see concern in her eyes, and worry about him. He reached out and pulled her into a warm embrace, holding her close.

"Clay, what's wrong?" Rosella gently asked.

"Nothing." Clay quickly answered, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I just...wanted to surprise you but you weren't at home." It sounded so lame to him, as if he was so petty that he'd cry just because she wasn't at home. "I mean, I wanted to celebrate your birthday with you. Do something special. For you."

"You came all the way down here for me? I thought you were supposed to be in LA." Rosella sounded a little incredulous. She looked like she didn't know whether to smile or not. "Thank you Clay. I really appreciate it."

"I got you something." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped box, holding it out to her. "Here, open it. Happy birthday honey."

Rosella looked at him, then at the box, then back at him, as though not believing it. But she accepted it. Opening the box, she found a gold chain, with a pendant of two dolphins welded together, one was done in yellow gold, the other in white gold. It was simple and so sweet. Clay helped her put it on, then putting his arms around her, softly began to sing:

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you helped create
For every heart and every soul you've helped
To grow a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter

Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

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Rose was so happy, I can still see her on the verge of tears. She told me that no one had ever done anything like that for her before. Her birthday was always around the examination period, friends preferred to stay with the books rather than hang out with her. My beautiful Rose, how I wish I could see you again, and celebrate another birthday with you. I'm so grateful to the Lord for leading me to you that day.

[footloose]

see this is what i mean when i said your character sometimes comes across as too cold. i mean...if Clay left LA just to celebrate my birthday and gave me that gift and sang that song in front of me, i'd certainly not just "on the verge of tears". :grin i'd bawl like a baby in front of him no matter whether he likes it or not :lol. i wonder what is it about Rosella that keeps her from showing her feelings for him...it's like she's treating him not more than just friends while Clay's clearly crazy for her. is it because of her family breakup or something in her background that keeps her from warming up to him? i'm interested to know more :popcorn

[mezzogal]

seeing as no one else responded...let me defend rosella.

jmo. i don't find that as 'cold'. cos i don't think it's entirely natural reaction to burst into full fledged tears at it. sure, it's a really sweet gesture and all that. but i don't think it's enough to warrant a true cry. i mean, this is my interpretation...to me, bursting into tears, and being lovey-dovey like and all that at this stage is a very western response, not like how i'm thinking my asian protagonist would respond. plus, remember that till now, their relationship was conducted by phone.

maybe her background affects. i'm thinking that she, having the background that she has, is a little de-sensitized towards the concept of love. maybe she just doesn't really know how to recognise love or how to react in kind. i'm looking at a very traditional, very conservative, matriarchal, obey-your-elders-with-your-life kind of upbringing (her relationship with her mum and her relatives). her relationship with clay would be something deviant (he's caucasian and WAY older than her), so maybe she'll play cautious for now. *shrugs*

i think the main problem is that i'm not bringing her character out enough. but then, the story told from clay's pov might show that maybe he doesn't know her character very well either.



hoping that didn't spoil anyone's experience of the story. (i'm a very insecure person) :hiding

[footloose]

jmo. i don't find that as 'cold'. cos i don't think it's entirely natural reaction to burst into full fledged tears at it. sure, it's a really sweet gesture and all that. but i don't think it's enough to warrant a true cry. i mean, this is my interpretation...to me, bursting into tears, and being lovey-dovey like and all that at this stage is a very western response, not like how i'm thinking my asian protagonist would respond. plus, remember that till now, their relationship was conducted by phone.

maybe her background affects. i'm thinking that she, having the background that she has, is a little de-sensitized towards the concept of love. maybe she just doesn't really know how to recognise love or how to react in kind. i'm looking at a very traditional, very conservative, matriarchal, obey-your-elders-with-your-life kind of upbringing (her relationship with her mum and her relatives). her relationship with clay would be something deviant (he's caucasian and WAY older than her), so maybe she'll play cautious for now. *shrugs*

yo mezzo, thanks for taking time to explain more about Rose. as i read your answer, i realised i forgot one thing: Rose wasn't a fan of him when they first met (sometimes i forgot that when i read fanfic and think every girl is as crazy about him as we do :lol). They were totally alien to each other and her background, as you said, prolly makes her a bit cautious in building a relationship. So yeah, her reserve makes sense now. I do hope though that toward the end of the story, Rose would warm up to him more and they would have at least some good time regardless of the outcomes of the relationship.

oh and no i don't think u've spoiled anything...but then again, i always love spoilers :lol

[Canadian bAiken]

Clay also knew that Rosella's 18th birthday was approaching. Knowing that she didn't have family with her on this special day, he decided that he was going to make the day special for her. He was supposed to be in Los Angeles on that night, but he was sure he could make some arrangements.

He's sweet. They're still just friends at this point, right?

Opening the box, she found a gold chain, with a pendant of two dolphins welded together, one was done in yellow gold, the other in white gold.

This sounds so pretty. My baby sister likes dolphins. She'd like something like that.

but then, the story told from clay's pov might show that maybe he doesn't know her character very well either

This is exactly it, Mezz. At this point we're seeing Rose from Clay's POV, and he doesn't really know her yet. He's only reporting what he observes, he doesn't know how she feels or what she's thinking.

I've never gotten the impression that she's cold. I know the character is Asian and, having met a few Asian friends on this board and gotten to know one a little better, I know that there are big differences between how each of us relate to others romantically, and that our cultures, upbringing, and even values are different. I've also learned, that you seem more reserved than us, and yes, I believe more respectful of yourselves and others. Western society is blatant and in your face at times, obvious even. Yours is a much more subtle culture, I think. But of course, those are just my perceptions based on the limited type of friendship you can have online. So, I may be totally be off base.

hoping that didn't spoil anyone's experience of the story. (i'm a very insecure person)

Not at all. Now I see that maybe Rose's views of love have been colored by her experience growing up.

I'm looking forward to seeing more. Sad though, that Clay's 'voiceover' tells me that they are no longer together, that their relationship either didn't work out or something bad happened to her. I'm worried and anxious to see what happened with them.

Nice chapter, Mezz. You have nothing to be insecure about, though I can relate. :squish

[mezzogal]

Chapter6: Can You Hear the Night's Song

Clay was an ambassador for Unicef and was being sent to Indonesia and Uganda to visit and know more about the children's situation in those countries. Finding this out, he was initially very excited and had asked Rosella to go with him. She refused. For Indonesia, she said that it wouldn't make sense for her to visit the region and not go visit Singapore her home country. For Uganda, she vaguely said something about the inconvenience of having to obtain visas. So Clay went with Nick instead.

The trip was a trying one for Clay. It opened his eyes in so many way as to the plight of people beyond the boundaries of his own country and knowledge. His heart went out to those people in trouble whom he wanted to help but couldn't.

“Hey Clay, man, it's good to have you back.” Jerome pulled Clay into a one-armed hug as they met at the airport on the day of Clay's return.

“Well, it's good to be home.” Clay responded in kind, smiling gratefully at his bodyguard. “Thanks for coming to pick me Jerome. I appreciate it.”

“How was the flight?”

“Uneventful.” Nick answered. “Though someone couldn't stop fidgeting at the thought of going home.”

“I thought we settled that on the flight Nick.” Clay wearily replied. “Stop bringing up the past. You're glad to be back too.”

“Whatever you say Clayton, whatever you say.” Nick shrugged, throwing a look at Jerome behind Clay's back.

Jerome led them to a private carpark where the car was waiting. Traffic looked good, they would be back at Clay's house in no time. Clay was very excited to be home. He missed the security of home, the companionship of his friends. Sure, Nick was a very good friend, but being almost completely alone with only one friend was a little wearing after a while. His eyes lit up as his house first came into view. It was twilight and the lights from the house were twinkling softly. It looked so homely and familiar.

The car pulled into the driveway and came to a stop. Clay was the first one out of the car and went to open the door. Instantly, a little ball of fur barrelled at him out of nowhere, a stream of excited barks, licking and pawing. Raleigh wanted to be the first to greet him. Bending down, Clay scooped her into his arms and cuddled her while she relentlessly squirmed and licked his face, her tail furiously wagging itself off. Lord, he almost forgot how boisterous this little puppy could be.

“How's daddy's little girl? Huh? Didja miss me girl? Were you a good girl while daddy was gone? Daddy missed you, y'know.” Clay began to babble affectionally to the dog, oblivious to everything else.

“She was mainly good. And yes, she did miss you lots.”

Clay looked up from Raleigh. A smile grew over his features. He opened his arms and let Raleigh scamper onto the floor.

“Rose.” Clay stood and walked to her.

“Hey you.” Rosella had an amused smile on her face as she gave Clay a warm hug of welcome. She had moved to LA at Clay's request. Clay had wanted her to be a part of his upcoming tour and it was easier for her to come to LA to prepare for it. “It was getting quiet around here without you.”

“Clay missed you most.” Nick interrupted to tease. “Out there where he couldn't call everyday.”

“Three weeks and he still hasn't gotten enough teasing yet.” Clay joked, giving Nick a fake punch. Nick reciprocated in kind.

“Alright, break it up you two.” Jerome stepped in. “Rose, I'll leave these two to your care. See you round.” Grinning from ear to ear, Jerome took his leave. They could hear as his car left the driveway.

“So.” Rosella began. “Have you all eaten? Maybe you all want to go shower and clean up first. I'll go get dinner ready.”

Dinner was not bad. Rosella had prepared grilled pork chops with lots of barbecue sauce, mashed potatoes and vegetables. She was not the world's best cook though. The meat was a little overdone, but according to Rosella, no one had ever died eating over-cooked food as compared to numerous deaths from eating food that was under-cooked. Her rule of thumb: when in doubt, over-cook it.

Throughout the evening, Clay's high spirits at being home had tided him over and stopped him from thinking too much. However, at night, alone in his room, Clay's mind began to wander over to the things he had seen overseas. He was still trying to come to terms with all the sorrow and hardships he had seen. He couldn't relax enough to fall asleep and tossed restlessly in his bed, trying to block out the scenes long enough to allow himself to rest. Suddenly, there was a soft knock at his door.

“Clay, can I come in?” he heard Rosella's voice asking from outside the room. Clay was a little surprised at this but at the same time, relieved. He gave her the ok to enter. She was dressed for bed, a simple long sleeved tshirt and cotton shorts.

“What's up?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I don't know. I just...is everything ok? I mean, it's your first night back so I just wondered. You looked like you had something on your mind just now.”

How did she know? Clay thought he had managed to hide his feelings pretty well. He didn't reply, considering whether or not to tell her. He decided not to. “No, I'm fine. Just a little jet lagged I guess. And still not really adjusted back to the time zone.”

“Oh, ok.” Rosella's tone said that she didn't believe him. "You look a little pale. Are you sick?" She sat on the edge of his bed, gently feeling his forehead. "No, your temperature feels ok. I guess you are tired after all."

She made him lay stomach down on the bed. Slowly, she began to massage his shoulders, her fingers finding just the right spot to loosen and with the right amount of pressure. Clay gradually felt all tension fall away from his upper back. Just as he thought she would finish and leave him, Rosella surprised him by putting her hands under his pyjama tshirt and began to rub his back. Her fingers were warm and firm on his skin. He never knew it was possible to feel both relaxed and aroused at the same time. But he was feeling it now. He was feeling a connection with Rosella that he hadn't felt before, which her touch managed to awake. There was certainly nothing improper in what she was doing. So why did it make him feel so good?

Feeling wonderfully relaxed, warm and sleepy, Clay couldn't help but let out a yawn. He felt Rosella's movements change. He felt like a baby being lulled to sleep by its mother. He heard Rosella whisper softly to him, asking him if he wanted to get into a more comfortable position. Clay flopped over onto his back, sighing contentedly as Rosella carefully tucked the soft comforter close to his body. He couldn't remember the last time he was this comfortable. Probably back in the pre-Idol days, when he still lived at home.

She was holding his hand, patting it, singing a soft lullaby, so soft that he wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't seen her lips moving.

Can you hear the night's deep song?
All the shadows say
Telling you when you're asleep,
Tears will fade away

Dream of morning's golden light
When you and I will leave the night ...

And when the moon is high and bright,
Stars will shine on you

Make a wish and when you close your eyes
I will come to you.

The song ended and Rosella fell silent. She still held his hand, stroking it carefully. Clay squeezed her hand in his and murmured sleepily, "Rose, stay with me tonight? Please?"

Through the semi-darkness of his room, he saw her smile at him, then shake her head. She looked at him for a while then leaned over his body and kissed him on the lips. "Goodnight Clay." she said as she got up, switched off the light and exited the room.

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It was a very quick and light peck that she gave me. But it was a kiss nevertheless. Our first kiss. Sometimes I wonder whether I had dreamed the kiss, given that I was in half of a dream state. But there's no way I could have imagined such a thing at that time. I didn't know how she felt about me then. In all my fantasies about her up to that point, it was always a more elaborate and romantic situation I envisioned. So it must have been real. I like that.